Wonder Woman

Therapy Tools

So there are these tools…that my therapist (yes I have a therapist and we all should have access to one in my opinion) has gifted to me. I store them in my imaginary tool box and when I’m not feeling well, I take the tools out to help me feel better. There are many tools, and the great news is that once you start adding tools to your tool box, you can keep adding more and more. Now I have tons of tools like deep breathing, essential oils, meditation, just to name a few. More on my tool box later. 

Icon

One of my new favorite tools is having an icon to picture or imagine in times of trouble. It’s basically someone (real or imaginative) that tells you the things you need to hear when you’re in crisis, or, when you just need a boost in life. It could be your older healed version of yourself even. My icon didn’t come to me all at once, it was an organic evolution process that took place. I had a doctor I worked for once who said I was brave and courageous like Wonder Woman as she handed me a little Wonder Woman plastic figurine she had received from a patient previously. Now, I received this figurine back in the midst of COVID while I was in the world of nursing through COVID. I didn’t think much of the figurine but I held onto it and kept her at my desk. From time to time, I would steal a little glimpse of the figurine and smile, knowing someone, somewhere, thought I was brave and courageous. I didn’t know that Wonder Woman would become the life force (and more) for me personally, that she is today. You see, when I personally think of Wonder Woman, I think of all the qualities she exhibits like bravery and courage. But she also embodies love of humanity, strength, hard work, determination, she is unwavering, unconquerable, and always tries to make the world a better place than when she encounters it. Now, I fully admit, these are my ideas of what Wonder Woman embodies, and that’s sort of the point when choosing an icon. You choose what qualities you admire or look up to. You choose the qualities YOU want to exhibit someday. You choose, maybe even qualities you already do display, but maybe don’t know it yet.

Values

 It wasn’t until I was working on a values worksheet that my therapist gave to me as an assignment. This was where I realized that Wonder Woman and I do have values that we share. As I was listing out all the wonderful qualities that Wonder Woman exhibits in my mind, I moved on to the next question in the worksheet. The question was about being at a party 15 years from now, a birthday party for yourself…what would your friends and family say about you? This question hit me…what would my family and friends say about me? It took a long time to answer that question, but it was in that question that I received healing, and the beginning of positive self esteem. See, trauma makes it hard for me to value myself. For me, the trauma I’ve lived through has made it very difficult for me to see the goodness that I see in others, in myself. “If I was enough, why didn’t my Daddy stay?” type of questions that still haunt me. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with that, which is why I choose to be vulnerable and share this…because you too, can start to heal. I wouldn’t say that I’m all healed up and my self esteem is intact, no I would say I’m just at the beginning of healing, and that’s okay. Anyway, as I answered the question, I slowlyyyy realized that I too, am brave and courageous. Yes the doctor previously told me this too, but I finally realized what others see in me is how I can see myself too. I realized that I love humanity, I believe in justice for those plagued by the opposite. I value strength, hard work, determination, and I. am. Unwavering. I. am. Unconquerable. You can say that this values worksheet was a game changer for me, for sure. An “ah-ha” moment like Oprah says. It made me realize I don’t have to wait for my current self to catch up to my future self, I am her right now. It was that day that my icon came to life, my soul lit up and my self worth recovered just a little bit more. 

Quotes

As I sit here and research Wonder Woman and all that she stands for, I am awestruck at how the things that make sense to her, make complete sense to me too. For example, “I will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.” As nurses, we are our biggest patient advocates, I believe in fighting for those who cannot for themselves. I believe in being the voice for those whose voice is lost or quiet. Now, as time passes, and I research more about Wonder Woman, I find these amazing quotes that I can model my outlook by, as well. Such quotes as “so long as life remains, there is always hope… and so long as there is hope, there can be victory!” This quote comes from the legendary run of Wonder Woman by George Perez and Len Wein by the way. For myself, this quote inspires me to keep on hoping and to fight for victory…I will not let the darkness prevail, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. My absolute favorite quote is “nevertheless, she persisted.” That has become my new mantra. In the face of adversity, of trauma, I will persist! In the face of mental illness, I will persist! In my research, I’ve found additional quotes that I can hang onto as well. “You have greater powers than you know.” This quote rings true for me because my aunt is always telling me that I am my own greatest enemy. As I’m starting to heal, I’m realizing that I do have greater powers than I once knew. I will hang onto this quote for my icon use when I need assistance. 

Anxiety

So, now that you have the background for the icon, let me tell you about the ways I use it. I have immense anxiety as I mentioned in previous posts. Like, panic attacks and shut me down anxiety. Specifically, when I’m working, I have crippling anxiety about work performance. Even when my superiors tell me I perform well, I obsess about how I’m not performing well enough. Again, I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this way, it is the response of trauma and negative core beliefs, and I come by both honestly.  So, I’ve placed my little Wonder Woman figurine on my desk that I work at. When things get overwhelming, I have little reminders to breathe, I have reminders that I can, and I have the reminder that I can channel the powers of Wonder Woman and push through hard things. It is my reminder during difficult times that I got this, and it really, really works! I’m sure reading and looking from the outside in, this sounds a bit cheesy and corny…but I promise you, it has worked wonders for me!! Perhaps it is corny or cheesy, I don’t really know. What I do know is, I need tools, and many of them. I need tools to get through this wild ride called life. I need tools while I’m healing that meet me where I’m at in the process, and this is my new favorite one. It helps me to do hard things, it helps me to go through hard things, and it helps me stand tall and be brave and courageous when I maybe feel that I’m neither of those things. Now, let me also say that this is in no way, shape, or form an attempt to minimize very hard and dark things like suicidal thoughts or self harm, etc. Those are things that require the assistance of qualified professionals. But now that I’m more stable (ish), I am developing a tool box of coping skills and this is one that I’ve found to be a game changer.

Meditation

 It’s definitely not been an easy fix for me, it is something I still have to work hard at and choose to use when I’m in crisis. And, to be perfectly honest, sometimes I’m too spun up to use this tool, and that’s okay too. In those moments I meditate which incorporates deep breathing and slowing the heart rate down, focusing on tense muscles and focusing on relaxing those tense muscles. My favorite way to meditate is to search on YouTube for guided meditation+positive affirmations+anxiety or whatever I’m dealing with at the moment. Sometimes, it takes a couple of sessions to get me grounded. Sometimes, when I’m on the verge of a panic attack, the only thing that helps me is to think of 5 things from a sensory perspective. One thing I can see, one thing I can smell, one thing I can hear, one thing I can feel, and so on. That helps me not to panic and is a great tool for me to use that may be helpful for others, I don’t know. One thing I’ve also learned about tools is that not every tool fits each person differently, sort of the ‘one size does NOT fit all’ scenario. But I’ve also learned that in order to grow a tool box, you have to be willing to try several tools to see which ones feel the greatest in your hands so to speak. And, when I was seriously ill, I will be honest again and say that I couldn’t use these tools because I was so overtaken by sadness, darkness, and despair. That was a time for qualified help and for me, medication and intensive inpatient treatment. That plus the support of my friends and family has taken me out of that abyss, thank God. 

Be Well

So my closing message for others is that even then, even when it hurts, it can get better and I’m here to say I’ve lived it and it has gotten better. It felt like it took forever plus a day, and I know it can feel that way for you also…BUT, there is hope, my friends. Be well.